Why, God? Why Not Barney?

The Big Red Car will, sadly, be toot-toot-chugga-chugging without Greg Page. The 34-year-old lead singer for the Australian kids'-music supergroup The Wiggles (anyone who refers to them as "the children's Beatles" underestimates The Wiggles' popularity) announced that he would quit performing with the group because of illness. The disease--orthostatic intolerance--is not life threatening, he said in a recorded statement, but it can cause dizziness, nausea and fainting, none of which are conducive to Doing the Monkey in a live performance.

The Wiggles--a phenomenally lucrative business--will keep going, however, as Greg will be replaced by understudy Sam Moran. Obviously, this is not as heartbreaking a circumstance as when kids' favorite Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray earlier this year, but it may still make for some awkward conversations with young kids. (And embitterment among parents. I still refuse to watch a Blue's Clues with Joe and not Steve.)

The remaining original Wiggles sent Greg off with kind words, although Murray--that would be the red guitar-playing Wiggle--came off eerily nonchalant for a cuddly children's star when asked how kids would take the switcheroo. "Children tend to center on one thing so if
he's wearing the yellow skivvy (shirt), he's got black hair, he's pretty
much Greg," he tells the Associated Press.

By this logic, if Mrs. Tuned In finds another guy with most of his hair shaved and a closet full of Banana Republic outlet-store shirts, I could be out on the street with neither of my kids the wiser. I'll be on my best behavior.