Where the Coffee's Free and the Girls Are Pretty

PASADENA -- Oooh! I love bylines! Makes me feel all reporter-y!

People who say that being a TV critic involves nothing more than sitting on your can and pretending to care about TV shows don't know what they're talking about. Sometimes it involves sitting on your can and pretending to care about the people in TV shows. This week is the cable TV critics' winter press tour, where cable networks hold wall-to-wall press conferences about their winter and spring offerings. The assembled "critics" (which often as not are actually TV beat reporters or trade-magazine journalists) are plyed with free food, drinks, coffee, smoothies and such, in exchange which they pretend to be deeply engaged in, for instance, "High Maintenance 90210," the new E! reality show about a butler.

Currently, we're questioning the panel for "Paradise City," the Ryan Seacrest-produced E! reality show about Las Vegas business. (Yes, they do use the Guns 'n' Roses song, and no, I will not be able to get it out of my head for the next 4 days.) The compact here is for us to pretend to be interested in a Seacrest project other than American Idol, questions about which would be in poor form. (Questions about The Ryan Seacrest Show, even more so.)

Seacrest did graciously offer his opinion of being called "the devil" in a men's magazine profile: "I guess it's flattering." Beyond that, the assembled writers are doing a yeoman's job filling the awkward silences with questions. One asks a cast member if there's any benefit to doing the show beyond TV exposure.

There is no benefit greater than TV exposure, sir! Someone seize that man's press credentials!