I Don't Wanna Hurt Anymore: The Great American Idol Song-Retirement List
This year American Idol is holding its first songwriting contest, to choose new songs for the finalists. But what American Idol really needs is a competition among the old songs. Some of them need to be voted off. Last night, Mrs. Tuned In and I brainstormed the beginnings of an American Idol Retirement List--overused, battered warhorses that never, ever again need to be performed in front of that aurora borealis video screen on Fox:
I Can't Make You Love Me
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing
Ribbon in the Sky (for that matter, no offense, anything by Stevie Wonder, unless someone wants to try Pastime Paradise or Black Man)
Black Velvet
I Have Nothing (unless performed by a dude)
Come to My Window
Rock With You
The entire oeuvres of Celine Dion, Edwin McCain and (no offense again) Aretha Franklin
We've only scratched the surface here, right? The phones are open!
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1
I was thinking the same exact thing last night as I fell asleep. There are some songs that have been ruined thanks to AI. Here are some of my picks:
Unchained Melody- so many people try to impress with Simon's favorite song ever, and none have succeeded.
All Mariah Carey songs... right up there with Aretha and Celine... hard to sing, and why make us suffer?
Sweet Home Alabama
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2
"Against All Odds"
No more "Over The Rainbow" please...Agreed on the UMelody - except that Clay Aiken DID knock that out of the ballpark...
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3
OOPS! Forgot about Clay!
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4
Peanut butter jelly time!
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5
Although I don't think we've heard it this year, "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." And while we're at it, let's retire it from radio, destroy all sheet music, melt all CDs, etc.
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6
Tell me have you ever really, really really ever loved... a wuh-maaaaaaaan.
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7
I'll go one step further. When Kelly Clarkson did an old country classic early on, you could tell she had "it" in the same way you know Patsy Cline is the real McCoy.
The ruinization of music thanks to Aguilera and others now causes every female singer to feel they have to do runs up and down the song to prove they can sing, when it used to be the simplest performance by a talented singer, proved all that and more.
Ban all the aforementioned songs, but also ban all the runs. Musical tone has been replaced by vocal gymnastics. Please stop it. Please.
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8
In the spirit of filmex's post, can we specify banning whiny, nasally and angst ridden singing? That is fine if that is your true voice, not when you are merely copying someone's sound who was hot 5 years ago.
- poniewozik Loved the season. Mrs Tuned In wd have put u on the main list RT @boredtodeath Thank u for incl us in Time's Top 10. We'll take hon mention. - 9 hours ago
- poniewozik @carr2n Virgin is the best, LAX-JFK - 9 hours ago
- poniewozik Did NPR interview abt multiscreen multitasking. After, automatically reached for iPhone in pocket. Like don draper wd have for cigarettes. - 10 hours ago
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