Tuned In

Jon & Kate Plus 8, Divided By Two

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Jon and Kate, in a publicity still from happier times. / TLC

Jon and Kate, in a publicity still from happier times. / TLC

“And they all lived together in a little crooked house.”

Not anymore. Not all at the same time, anyway. On the much-awaited Big Announcement episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin broke the news: “Kate and I have decided to separate.” News that, a title card revealed at the end, was already dated, as the pair filed to end their marriage today. (But they’re not ending the show! Let’s not get crazy here!)

But before we came to that news, the show again juxtaposed a jarringly cheery story of family good times and product placement, as the Gosselin kids were the lucky recipients of “crooked houses,” which one would think must have been manufactured by the Acme Unfortunately Metaphorically Named Toys Company.

As in the first episode of the fifth season, the splicing together of the good times with kids and the soft-focus confessional was awkward at best. And yet, when I think about it, it’s also oddly appropriate. The show is essentially having us experience Jon & Kate’s divorce announcement like we were small children in a family. There are the large stretches of mom and dad putting on a happy facade to keep up appearances for us. And then there’s the serious talk about their decision—one that, however, was deliberately vague on why exactly it is that Mommy and Daddy are no longer going to be living together. (For that, you gotta read the tabs.)

Jon and Kate’s split confessionals were characteristic of each: his, reticent and uncomfortable; hers, more articulate if platitude-filled, with many pages turned and new chapters opened. (Jon again seemed to lack all sense of irony regarding his own complaints about fame, given that he signed up for a reality show: “It’s a shame that our society has come to that. We have soldiers over in Iraq dying for our country, and all these people care about is what I eat for lunch.”) They each emphasized that didn’t hate the other; that they’d take turns staying in the house with the kids on a schedule; and that the show, somehow, would go on.

About which: Kate made the point (and TLC made the point of including it) that the show itself did not destroy their marriage. Well, did it? I don’t know, and what’s more, you don’t either. Maybe the pressures of the spotlight exacerbated an already problematic relationship, drove them apart and gave them too much, too soon, to handle. Then again, maybe focusing on their common “job” and the need to provide for the kids through it kept them together longer, despite their obvious problems, than they would have. It’s not, after all, as if raising eight kids without the financial cushion of a hit show would have been stress-free. 

But again, let’s not pretend we know. It’s nearly impossible to know the secret heart of a marriage that hasn’t turned into a professional media presentation, much less this one. I can only judge the show that it’s produced. And it’s one that’s become increasingly excruciating to watch, a situation I can’t imagine  the new arrangement improving. 

The thing is, I wouldn’t mind seeing a show about a couple maturely raising their kids while dealing with divorce. (Even scripted TV has done this only rarely, on shows like Once and Again.) But I think Jon & Kate is well past the point where it can be that show. Instead, the Gosselins seemed to be describing a situation where they would soldier on with their “job,” for the good of the kids—and you, the viewer, had better too, no matter how ghastly it becomes, because the family income of eight adorable and innocent kids is hanging on it. 

One assumes this future show will have Jon and Kate interacting with the kids mostly separately. (Next week TLC is airing a “retrospective,” promising a peek at “what’s ahead,” and one imagines network execs scrambling to figure out just what the hell that future can be, exactly, for their cash cow.) At I would hope they are mostly separate, if the final scene of the episode was any indication. Getting together for a fancy Mother’s Day brunch, Jon & Kate seemed to be attending a funeral, shepherding the kids to and from the black car in the rain, while Jon grimaced like a man being led to the guillotine and Kate focused intensely on the meal logistics.

Well, that’s sucking it up for the kids, and reality stars or no, I can’t knock Jon & Kate for doing that. And as much as I feel badly for the kids, I’m not comfortable jumping to the easy judgment that they need to end the show “for the kids’ sake.” Maybe they should; maybe they shouldn’t. But I’m a TV critic, not a parenting critic, and I’m not going to claim I know what’s best for eight children I’ve never met simply because I’ve watched them on a heavily edited TV show. 

No, there are plenty of reasons not to watch this show besides the good of the children. It’s just become too creepily uncomfortable. (And, as Maureen Ryan notes, too sickeningly commercial.) Jon and Kate may decide to keep the family business going “for the kids,” or for whatever other motivation. But I suspect that after this ratings bump, the audience will quickly drop again. Because for the viewer at home, one thing is true about reality-TV divorce: there’s no point staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy.

(See the Top 10 skanky reality shows.)