Iron Chef: The Michelle Obama Edition

Speaking of liberal indoctrination by edutainment programs, Michelle Obama's efforts to turn us all into communist vegans is not stopping at Sesame Street. Food Network announced that Iron Chef America will be airing a special two-hour episode Jan. 3, taped at the White House, featuring the First Lady and her much-publicized kitchen garden.

Says the network, host Alton Brown will bring chefs Bobby Flay, Emeril Lagasse and Mario Batali to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to battle with White House Chef Cristeta Comerford. The four chefs, divided into teams, will have to devise a five-course "American meal," using ingredients plucked from the garden. Ted Allen (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) will be on hand to do floor reporting, and to make viewers go gay.

In seriousness, as much as I love cooking shows, I've never been much of a fan of Iron Chef's cheeseball cook-offs, especially the American version. But with a lineup increasingly dedicated to cakes, road food and Paula Deen, it's good to see Food Network devote a special to growing and cooking with fresh vegetables. (Also, they'll be using honey from the adjacent beehive. The White House has a freaking beehive! I'm sorry, but that's so much cooler than a bowling alley or basketball court.)

And really, what American will not be moved by the ending of the episode, in which the President will ascend a podium in Kitchen Stadium, where a choir of a thousand schoolchildren will honor him by singing specially commissioned songs of praise and loyalty? (NOTE: That last part is parody! Not actually a part of the show! Although I also can't prove it definitely won't be part of the show! Hey, I'm just askin' questions here!)